Untitled

I think most of us are familiar with how heartache and heartbroken feels. I think most of us has gone through that unpleasant feeling at some point of our live.

Having the experience gives you the empathy to feel for others too. You offer condolences, encouragement and so on. #Iknowthatfeelingbro. And yes you do. Cause you have been there before.

But has it occurred to you that when you're really in a heartache, you start to ask youself:"Hey, was it really that unpleasant, emotional last time when I was heartbroken?"

To actually be heartbroken is much more painful than thinking back of a previous heartache.

Who would've known that a reply from you meant so much to me...

Screwed up emotions...

Scumbag heart...

Illogical brain...

p.s. And as usual, this is where the moment an Atheist speaks to a random God: "God, please let it be her. Of all the possible people in the world, please just her and nothing else"

It's so ironic that something so important to you, can be miscellaneous to other people...

Pursiut of Happiness

These days I've been thinking. Thinking of how my limited choices would have limited me.

Yes up till now I still don't have any preference in going back to the food industry. I dread working in a factory.

Maybe just because of a one time exposure, which hence gave me a phobia to stay away from food processing plants, is not really fair nor doing justice. Maybe after getting exposed to a few food factories will change my views and feelings for them?

All this while I thought I forsook food technology because of the low pay. But when I look back on my life, money never really did played a significant part of my happiness. I can live without good food, nor do I visit clubs and bars for booze and beer. I have lived my university days with just bread and Milo, biscuits, without a single grain of rice.

I admit I dread facing the working world. I dread to not be able to do what I like, what I want. People only work to survive (well most people). Out of the millions of people out there working, we all know that only a few find their ideal job.

I dread more having to face one of my nightmares, is to enroll in a job, in a field that I have almost given up on, where I study because I needed to.

But what dreads me most is being pressured to get a job. To be honest, the days I'm living in now are as bad as the days I dread about my FYP.

Can You Hear Me?

Sometimes, I just feel so lost. Sometimes I feel stress, anxiety on how to start writing the new chapter of my life.

Its like having to write a new story, where all this while I have been used to continue writing pieces of my life as it goes on.

I have just reached a point where, I fear of not knowing how to start a new chapter.

Well of course the main idea is there. But what to write?

It is mentally torturing when your friends have all started writing, while you are still left scratching your head in the exam hall, while time is ticking away...

It is disheartening to have submitted your resumes and not get notified as time goes by. You begin to doubt your own abilities. You start to feel lousy...

I am, lousy....  Can you hear me?

Life is a War

"Life is like a box of chocolates."

Well  screw you Forest! Not that I hate you, but for different people and seen through different perspectives, life is not always a box of chocolates.

Life is a war zone. Your graduation from your alma mater is no less than graduating from a military academy. You get your first job aka become enlisted in the army. You start from the lowest rank in the company. You are cannon fodder.

You spend your whole life, battling cannons and bombs. Only different thing about working is, you don't die literally, or end up without your limbs if you've stepped on a landmine. Sometimes you get screwed by your captain. Your captain gets screwed by his major, and then the General screws everyone under his control.

We spend all our life, working up the military hierarchy if the modern working world. We ourselves dream to someday become a major, admiral or whatsoever. It seems like this is life's only way of progress.

What if, life is not a war? What if, there's no need to get enlisted into society's modern warfare?

Maybe life is a war. War starts with one person or incident, and gets carried out by the entire nation. Your neighbour buys a new car. You work your ass off to buy a bigger one to show him you're better.

There's no escape. You either join the ranks and work your ass up the ranks, or you become an emo farmer watching the tanks steamrolling across your crop fields when war breaks loose.

Me? I don't wanna be any of them, if I could have it my way. If life is a war, you make the most of it. You become, THE ARMS DEALER...

*ps I love Forest Gump!! 

That's Life

As far as I know, I am so willing to let go of what I've learned. Bye bye food tech. It was the University life that matters. Not the degree.

I don't want to spend my life, or even an ounce of it, reviewing SOPs, managing workers in a factory, or doing hourly check in a production line, or plotting and constructing a HACCP.

...

Just like giving me a lousy CGPA during my matriculation, life has once again pit me into a situation, where it torments me mentally and spiritually.

There is still a chance that I may end up in the food production industry. Maybe I will like it. But it was never a choice I wanted to make should is really happen.

I really hate to say this, but since year 2 in my degree life, I'd already made up my mind that I would avoid this field once I graduate. Doesn't matter that if I'm smart enough or have the abilities to succeed in this field or not. Bottom line is, I don't like it, and nor will I feel happy if my future working life were to be something similar to my intern life.

No harm to my ex intern company. It's just the life of a food technologist that bothers me. What ever I do, I make sure my happiness and health is the utmost priority. So forget about getting my arse into a production line at midnight. My biological clock and health is more than money.

Ah if happiness would made me live and feel up an empty stomach. If only money wasn't everything.

From the way I see things now, most probably I'll end up doing something I don't like...

Well that's the sad case of life.

痛

曼市捧杯。曼联流泪。

对。空手而归的赛季。谁都不想的。更何况是在90分钟的时候，当曼市还输着球时，仿佛上天亲自把联赛杯送回曼联的手里。

加时五分钟，就知道很不对劲。还以为曼联会突然和球，哪知曼市在不可能中的不可能进了两粒进球，逆转了命运。

曼市赢球赢杯，理所当然。要怪就怪曼联不争气。领先八分却把它给丢失。看到曼市捧杯，有点羡慕，妒忌。

痛，伤心，则不是因为输了杯。而是既然有一些莫名其妙的球队粉丝高兴，是因为能看到曼联输就高兴。就有比如把高兴建立在别人的痛苦上。没办法。自己球队本季表现一般，甚至还差到不得了。寻找不到娱乐，就是来看曼联输。

Seriously I can accept City being the better club and the best club won, but I really cannot accept Chelsea and Liverpool fans are happy just because they want MU to lose. Seriously I don't really hate Liverpool and Chelsea. But damn those fans really bug me. I can stay cool, but to totally ignore is almost impossible. I'm human, and Man United is a part of me - it grows in me.

送给那些很喜欢看曼联输的人：
  
如果你看球是为了看曼联输而高兴，那么您的人生还蛮是个悲剧。小子看球是因为看球的确精彩，有趣。或许我寻索娱乐的方式，是一些没眼光的人永远都察觉不到的...

战场归战场。踢完球就该握手和好。而不是抱着仇恨，把自己的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上。若你觉得你没错，我也没有话好说。 若你觉得利物浦，切尔西，阿森纳已经没有办法让你快乐，而你唯一看球的娱乐是看到曼联输而高兴，那英超自从2001年到现在，你高兴过几次？


Once a Devil, always a Devil. Congratulations to Man City, 2011/2012 BPL season champions.

It's Not About The Money

Like it or not, when study life comes to an end, everyone of us starts to work. Well it doesn't matter how early one chooses to end his or her study life. The thing is, sooner or later, we all have to start working.

The point or the question is, why work? The first and foremost, and I think it should be the sole reason, would be to earn money, which will be used for accommodation, food, and then to live on. But the thing that I see, those who are working now, it is an unstoppable and ongoing process. Most of us start working by mid 20s. And when does it end? Prolly 50 years old. That's like 25 years! The duration I've spent growing up, drinking milk, playing around, learning how to write, count, ABC, primary school and so so bla bla until the day today! In other words, if I were to lived up to 100 years old, I would have spent the best years of my time studying and working so that the worse years of my life (old and maybe weak with diseases) is secured.

I always believe that we have only one life and one chance to be on this planet. How good or how bad it turns out is up to us. The thing is, maybe I don't want to spend my life building a small treasure trove or gold mountain in my bank so that I can live happily when I retire. I rather spend every minute of my life, till the moment I die and pass out, doing what I love, and although it may not build me a fortune.

It's not like I don't need money. Nor I hate it a lot. It's just like I find it very pity to spend most of our life earning to live on. Well it's a process that I will also have to undergo. But of course if money would dropped down from the sky (or maybe just food la to keep me alive), many of us won't be working like mad right?

But of course, being able to do what one loves and earning money is of course the best thing in life. So far I haven't really thought of that ideal job of mine. Well maybe I have, but it seems elusive and well out of the league for me.

Being born in a comparably more well-to-do family maybe made me realize that money isn't anything. Sure I get what I want most of the time, but that doesn't mean I want a lot of materialistic things. My handphone is still the one with B-U-T-T-O-N-S, mind you, and I intend to use it until it is un-usable. My lappie is working fine since freshman year till now. No thoughts of even selling it second-hand and get a new one. I now only buy clothes for new year (even this I think my mum does all the buying. With just me I think I won't be having new clothes XD).

I've never led a hard life. So that's why money is not that vital to me. Of course giving me a high pay job that may be taxing, but at least ethical and not morally-wrong would be good enough for me. But as soon as I get enough, I may just re-sign and go do what I want. Living a life that I want to be.

But this is life. This is Malaysia. We study like siao. Then we work like siao. Then we earn money like siao. Then we have family and children. We earn more and then really become siao. Their turn to take over our roles to study and work like siao.

How I wish other than academic and normal work, there are other ways to work and earn money to let me lead a comfortable life. Why can't Malaysia have a basketball league as good as NBA, or a football league as good as the BPL, where sports can even make one's life too good to be true? Why can't the entertainment industry be as good as Hollywood, or at least have good prospects like Japan or Korea?

I don't know. We just work and work and work. And this work we work on day and night, it's not our ideal job nor what we would dreamed of - the reality when we were still small kids. And to work because of money...

My dream since kid was to be a doctor. Not because of the money, but because I like helping people. Saving them. Putting a smile on their face. I never knew being a doctor earned well. I just knew I would be happy doing it. Some people like to draw. Some people like music. But in a society and country like Malaysia, having such a dream will only be put out by our parents. And we end up like most of them. Working for the sake to live on... Although we never did love what we do... And never did continue to do what we love, as a living.

One word I can describe. Pathetic...

出国

真的很羡慕那些出过国的朋友。更羡慕那些有逗留在外国一阵子的朋友。

为什么？或许我是个喜欢多样化的人吧。也习惯了一个人的生活。能够到外国去不但能够体验不一样的生活，还能够学习如何一个人面对困难和挫折。

或许是厌倦了吧。对着一个四季皆夏天的日子。不知道雪是怎样的。不知道秋天的落叶有多迷人。整天不是给太阳晒就是给雨淋。

也不是说对这里的人对到不想再面对。只是... 真的很想趁年轻时去闯一闯。我不想等到退休了才来环游世界。那时对我来讲真的太迟了。特别想在三十岁之前就能到外国去。因为在三十岁之前，还能够疯疯癫癫面对一切...

或许最主要的原因是，我不想要个平凡的人生吧。我不想一做起工来，要做到退休为此才来出国环游世界，做自己想做的事。钱财对我来说，不是一切。只要有一天没有结婚立家的念头，不需要赚钱养家，能够到外地去体验不一样的生活... 啊~! 好想好想...



或许，逗留在另一个地方能够让我反省和成长吧...

Sick Of "IT"

If I were to have a wish right now, I'd wish I'd never like someone again... The thing about liking somebody is, I fall so easily, yet find it so hard to forget whom I like.

It has happened all the time. Since puberty struck, I have been falling over for girls and in the end, tending my broken heart EVERY SINGLE time.

I've had enough. Please. Take away my heart. Turn me into a soul-less creature. I rather stay ignorant and know nothing about L-O-V-E.

Fuck this 4 alphabets in this spelling. If not for this four words, my life would definitely be happier.

I'm done... I FUCKING GIVE UP!

zomok bu shi leh! =(

zomok ni bu shi neh!

ru guo ni shi de hua, fu tang dao huo, fen shen sui gu, wo dou hui zao ge li you zhao ni...

zomok ni bu shi neh!!!! T.T

그리워해요, 공주님...

妳不知道的事

1. 想妳已经是一种习惯。眼睛一打开，脑海一定是关于妳。还没入眠的那一刻，脑子里，还是妳。

2. 女人有七十二变。男人也有。为了妳而改变自己该改的地方，不容易，不简单。但，我愿意。

3. 我不怕喝了咖啡因而不能入眠。是怕想妳想太多而不能入眠。就算入了眠，也不好睡！

4. 我一直在想，妳到底是不是在逃避我，还是不理我之类的可能性。毕竟我觉得我没有怎么烦妳，或者打扰妳。也没有做出什么很令人出乎预料而妳不喜欢的事。就一直相信，妳有妳的东西忙。我不应该打扰妳。但假期的妳，怎么可能没有时间，来给我那一点点的回应？？？ T-T

5. 我不想在这四个月的假期无所事事。因为无所事事的我，会更胡思乱想。我真的怕我会想到发疯！！！

6. 美女，我活了二十二年看得多。令我要回头望多一次的多得很。但看了一次却一直出现在我脑海里的却寥寥无几。目前那一位，就是妳。

7. 我也不知道为什么会喜欢妳。而且还喜欢到如此地步。但有时候，靠感觉，不会错到哪里去。

8. 对于未来会发生什么，我自己也不清楚。但我觉得，还是要未雨绸缪。我还真的在为我理想的未来，筹备着。

9. 其实，我是一个很想和你聊天谈笑的。还没让妳知道我喜欢妳的那段日子，还过得蛮愉快。我就会那么的傻傻等妳上网聊天。

10. 就算我追不到妳，当我选择或逼不得已得放手时，我也会给一声交代。毕竟都喜欢过一个这样的妳，并且会亲口，面对面地送上一句待在我心里很久的那三个字...

我爱妳...

Dumb

Okay I dunno why I started liking rap

It’s like a poison that spreads you need not to adapt

And it does not need to sound nice or even freaking rhyme

All you need is a fast mouth to catch the beat and time

It all started writing poetry for the sake of writing poetry

And then I started listening to Eminem and then life got crazy

And never thought that loving you made me more crazy

But the cold shoulder you gave me made me fall into the abyss

Is it the feelings I conveyed to you on January the 3^rd?

Or is it the sonnet I wrote to you on freakin Valentine?

Or is it the constant care that you treated as a freak’s harassment?

You make me sound like a fool for everything I do I am wrong

Do you remember the times when we would chat endlessly?

Or the times I would wait blindly for you to even appear online

Cause now the only freaking thing I think I am waiting

Is a backlash from you that’s gonna slap me real hard in the face

Did I talk too much, no no heck we’re like strangers now

Did I give too much? Heck you’d push back everything I tried to give

Know that loving you was never a choice for me

But for treating me as a friend or a jerk, you choose the latter for me

So now what, my life is in topsy turvy

I dunno how to get you off my f*cking mind oh God help me

Sometimes I feel it’s better to sleep and have nightmares

But the damning fact is that nightmares wake me up to reality

Where I know every single message goes without a reply

And every single comment on your status goes to your blind eye

I tried to be casual, normal and friendly

But at the end of the day, you’d still f*cking ignoring me

Note that I never say I love you or I miss you all those truths

Cause I know it don’t matter you aren’t even treating me as a normal friend to start with

Normal conversations break off as if I’m talking to the wall

Oh no wait, I forgot, Bruno says it is me talking to the moon

If a total erase is what you want

Then tell me in the face, don’t act like I’m invisible, and I’ll give you what you want

I don’t know what a silent treatment holds

Just say:”F*CK OFF!” and I’ll disappear and letting you go…

COOL? XD

Sorry Seems To Be Hardest Word

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

我爱的人...

我知道故事不会太曲折
我总会遇见一个什么人
陪我过没有了她的人生
成家立业之类的等等

她做了她觉得对的选择
我只好祝福她真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人
谁还能要我怎样呢

我爱的人不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸都属于另一个人
她真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深

我爱的人她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说"我们"
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声

她做了她觉得对的选择
我只好祝福她真的对了
爱不到我最想要爱的人
谁还能要我怎样呢

我爱的人不是我的爱人
她心里每一寸都属于另一个人
她真幸福幸福得真残忍
让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深

我爱的人她已有了爱人
从他们的眼神说明了我不可能
每当听见她或他说"我们"
就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声

Something About Love

Last week. Exactly last week. I did something. Something that requires much bravery. And stupidity. Confessing a feeling. Even though I knew, chances of failure, was imminent.

I gave her a shock. She probably did not see that coming. Neither did I, if I were to flashback time. I'd never thought, it would be her. Constantly appearing on my mind.

I'd never knew that, this poison, this virus, was so contagious, when my Kaspersky Bachelor Sercurity was expired and I did not install a new one. My system IS infected.

However, sad to say that she wasn't in. She apologised. Told me to forget her. Rubbed her off my mind.

As if I could. As if this kind of things can be nullified. As if my brain is a computer. I did not argue. But I had many to say.

You called me to rub you off. You said there was no chemistry. I can't deny, nor can I agree. If I were proud enough to ask back, I could have ask you to rub the "him" off your mind too. If there was chemistry between you both, something will have happened. Where is that something? Is it God's fate that you're waiting for?

I do not know whether that something between you and "him" on your mind will happen or not. But you knew that we had 0%. Total failure. Nothing. No end product. Nada. Seems like you know me a lot, while the truth is, I may know you more than you know me, yet still will not say that I've known the real you.

I'm not angry. Nor am I challenging you. And I do not want to change your point of view. It's your choice to choose the best. So far I'm the worst when it comes to this kind of things (0% success rate my entire life). But the way you say it, is like sending me to a hangman's noose without a question. Like I'm a destined loser.

I'm not also calling you to give hope either. But at least, a chance to prove. That's all.

I have you deep inside my mind now, but that doesn't mean that you're gonna be the one of my life. Anything could happen. Hell I may even get a foreigner as my future wife. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. But we can't be sure that what will or will not happen. That's my point."

But then again, I do not object your point of view or ways to handle this matter. Nor do I want you to change. This post is just to express my views. Nothing more...

If everything in this world is fated by God, even if I'd really believe in Him, I'd be mad at him. He'd fated me to be broken up to pieces everytime when such matters arise. I'd rather have one time to learn through the process of a relationship rather than learning everytime I flop.

I know chances are as thin as a thread. Getting you is like finding a needle through a haystack. But I asked myself the same question again, everytime I fail. And I stick to the principals:

"You do not have to be together with someone when you like him or her. What truly matters is his or her happiness."

I'd wish for your ultimate happiness, like every princess in fairytales, for your bliss to be immortalized, for him to be your knight in shining armour. Even though I may end up in broken pieces again, I DO NOT CARE.

It is your happiness, and my heartbreak, to make my feelings, TRUE!

If God gave me a wish right now, I'd wish for that guy to be living happily ever after with you. I wouldn't wish that I was that guy. Funny huh. Guess I myself destined myself to be a loser.

XD

Untitled

Some thing funny about love... It hurts your heart so much, that you somehow wanna take that pain and substitute it on your flesh... Rather let the bones and muscle take the damage and the inflicted pain...

I feel like I'd wanna run away from the cruel truth, till my arms and limbs drop. Sounds cool?

Emo ramblings...

烦～～！！

当感性胜过理性时，为一个人做东西，不需要任何理由。就算需要牺牲，别人看起来是多么不值得，甚至自己也会问自己为什么这样傻，到最后还是会做。

烦。真的是烦！当理性和感性两个不同的想法相撞，真的是不知所措。到底要用Logic来解决，或者是凭着感觉去做。那头一直在想合理的方法，那心就要我以感觉来做事。

他妈的！真的很 EMO 啊～！！！！！！！

此刻，一直以理性胜过感性的我，不能不承认，已被感性化了。就靠着一丝的理性，我才没有那么鲁莽...

=(

已经很久，没有这种感觉了

已经很久，
没有这样的感性了
心好像飘飘然
好像，麻醉了...

已经很久，
没有那么的痴情了
日夜都常想起一个人
就是那么地徘徊在脑里...

已经很久，
没有那么的开心
和一个人谈起话来，
宁愿熬夜，抗拒想要闭上的眼睛

已经很久，
没有那么的紧张
当自己听到，
看上你的人，不单单是自己

已经很久，
没有那么地注重
带在身边的手机，
每条讯息，都希望是妳发来的

已经很久，
没有这样的感觉了
直到我遇到妳，
我也从来没想过，我还可以再喜欢上一个人...

What Do I Want??

Til this very day, since the day I gave up that dream of mine to be a doctor, I don't have a single clue of what I would be in the future. One thing is for sure. Definitely nothing to do with this course...

I'm 21 years old. Freakin 21 years on this Earth. Already in the first phase of manhood. Screw manhood. I may look like one. But I never acted like one. Inside my heart, I'm still the small boy, that wants to stay at home.

Away from the ugly truth of the society.

Away from the horrible life that we humans are bound to live.

Life. Sometimes I do ponder. What does mine signifies? What is my purpose? Is it really to live, enjoy, then leave?

Why are they those able to lead battalions of armies- generals, or why are they those able to rule over countries and govern their country. Why them, why not me?

When tough situation arises, no doubt there is a must to be brave.

But when there isn't a time to be brave, I'd rather live a quiet and peaceful life. Normal and easy life. Peace and tranquility. My do I feel happy and contend- with no greed or life achievements that I must achieve.

Can I always stay like that? I do hope so....

理性の感性？

我想，用中文表达这个blog会比较… effective… XD

理性，归理性。感性，归感性。Conscience and feelings. 一个是右脑操作，一个在左脑。大多数，当一个人情绪化时，无可否认，他的行为，一举一动，甚至所说的话都被情绪控制。一个人生气时大骂粗话，乱发脾气，是有道理的。我们不能说那个人错。唯一能讲的，是他不对。因为，当我们自己遇到那个人的情形，相信我们的举动，也不会好到哪里去。因为，情绪化是我们人其中一个缺点。

无可否认，我自己也经历过不少的情绪化暴动。所以现在生气的我，是静静不出声的。等气消了后才好好声声地把不满说出来。还记得上次在部落发泄，弄了好友哭，对我来说，是一个很大的教训。

人是上帝创作以拥有感性的生物。唯一和别的生物不同的是，我们是有理性的。

但是，如果每件事都是要用理性来解决，甚至感情的问题，那感情，还是感情吗？

如果一个人生气，但就因为理性，他没发泄出来，没暴动起来。不觉得，很奇怪吗？如果全世界的人都那么容忍，就没有什么争扎啊，战争之类等等的东西。那，不是很好吧？

但是，如果喜欢一个人，但因为理性和逻辑而排处掉那个人，又如何解释呢? 如果寻找生命中的另一半是靠理性和逻辑性，那还算是真爱吗？因为距离和时间的考验而排处他或她，不是很可惜吗？

但是，如果喜欢上一个已经有了另一半的人，那又该如何呢？明明知道自己1%的机会也没有，但却盲目地喜欢那个他或她，又如何做出什么决定呢？其实是没有选择，只能放弃。这又怎样解释？

若用理性来看待，错的东西，就不要做。不管对自己痛不痛。总之错就不做！

若用感性来看待，无论如何，也该把一点点爱留给自己吧。不要为了一棵不在你家园的树，而放弃全世界的森林。

也或许，这是一个one in a million 的case吧。但是，things are said easier than done. 哪里有不喜欢就不喜欢的啊！

因为人的一举一动，始终被感情影响…

-This is just part 1. Part 2 is just a sentence. If you all still dun understand, then request for part 2.-

写到很乱...