Thursday, June 4, 2015


Define the best advice or guidance.

Is it the best alternative? Is it something we want to hear?

Neither. Most of the time it depends on a case to case scenario.

Most of the time, we don't really care much or ask for genuine opinions. Because most of the time, we ask to hear ASSURANCE.

Don't get it? Try this...

"Hey look that dress looks nice right. Do you think it would look nice on me?"

Obviously if the dress is not nice, it would not have attracted you. You wouldn't even have thought of trying it on. But you are asking for an OPINION with the intention of ASSURANCE from someone that you are indeed correct.

We also ask for advises to get EMPATHY

"Sigh this is too difficult for me. I have no idea on how to progress even though I have spent 7 hours on this. I'm really hopeless aren't I?"

You could be genuine in feeling down. But if there is someone beside you, deep down there you would want a touch of empathy from the company you have during a difficult situation. People yearn for praises and attention. Too much of course is no good but a good dose of empathy during such situations are great encouragement.

Just by 2 simple examples I bet deep down there's a paradigm shift of why people ask for opinions and advises. Are we really that snobbish to ask for sincere guidance and opinions?

Still there are situations where real advises and guidance are being requested. Fret not. But just a small fraction of it.

Another simple example? Rarely does someone ask for advises from parents during their teenage years or late teens.

We never doubted our parents point of views. Most of the time they are right (yeap that took quite a while to realize). But why not ask for advice?

Why not ask them whether smoking is something to do or not? Why not ask for comfort or solace when you first breakup? Or when you have difficulties back then?

Because we know, what is right or wrong already. We know what a grown up would say to a seemingly small problem but a big one to us since its the first time we are encountering it.

Because we know, we don't need to be told what to do. What we wanted was ASSURANCE or EMPATHY. Or even both. And parents being parents will just give you LOGIC, which is often harsh truth that we are not willing to accept fully and whole heartedly at that moment of time.

*no disrespect to parents who live their children. But sometimes to let your child learn to walk, you gotta let them fall and let them learn to pick themselves up. 

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