Thursday, March 29, 2012

Trapped Small Boy

Used to be very excited when my birthday is around the corner. Well not any more. At least starting for this year. It's growing old onwards rather than growing up now...

This is in fact (most probably) be the last birthday I will be going through (note I did not use celebrate LOL) as a student. I don't know what the future holds for me. I cannot even imagine one year from now, how will I be going through it. Will I be celebrating with colleagues of work, family, friends, or maybe worse come to worse, alone?

Time passes too damn fast. It passes when I haven't really gotten myself to prepare for the world and the future. Help! I maybe touching 23 in half an hour's time. But I feel like a kid trapped inside an adult's body.

I still don't know what I want from my future. Maybe I know what I want, but it is not what I will get. I can't answer to questions regarding my future. Yes. 4 months of student life left for me. My friends some are even going to start work one month after their graduation. Where does this leave me? An abyss of empty thoughts...

If there is ever a choice in life for me that will go right, I would like to do something I like, I cherish. Then it doesn't matter whether it will be busy or not. I rather do something I like in life, morning till night than work on something I don't like morning till evening office hours...

Argh this is like a nightmare birthday upon me. I know these kind of things are bound to haunt me. But I never knew it was time that my sweet dreams, are coming to an abrupt end...

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


其实hor, 我也不是很小气的。只是有时候心情没那么好的时候,还真的是玩不起。

就好像刚才,做了一整天的lab, 奇怪的product 再加 奇怪的东东。连我试吃都会反胃。所以sensory 给的奖励品怎样也是要比较丰富。因为如果我把你们当朋友的话,没那个必要,我是不会叫任何人试吃的。

唉~!不过FYP这个东东非要sensory。只好连累你们了, 朋友。因为上次做product的时候, 还真是有人当面对我说:“aiyo, 我可以不要做你的sensory吗?” 我也知道product 外观不美,味道也不会好到哪里去。

所以我唯一能做的,是能够给比任何人更好的奖励品。请明白。我要求你们对一个奇怪的product做sensory, 我心也不好受。因为没有那个必要的话,我是不会那么要求你们的。

该撒的娇都撒了。对开玩笑的朋友,小弟抱歉。心情不好时,的确玩不起。Product 难吃,令大家反胃,小弟在此向大家先道个歉~!

Sunday, March 25, 2012


Overwhelmed with a huge surge of emo-ness lately... Coupled by the fact I just gave up the chance to see Girls Generation live in KL on the 23rd of March, one freakin week away from my birthday, argh!

Like it or not, Final year is fast approaching it's end on me. One month passed. By the end of June one chapter of my life ends. And what to write on or start with, the new chapter of my life, is still an unknown. Uncertainties that I am terrified of.

I remember how I start writing the chapters of my University life. It almost went the other way, pursuing my dream job medicine at a private college. However a short burst of impulse making (and yeah the tears that I shed) made me continued walking the path that I had been "forced" to trod upon. Apart from choosing a tough course and degree to endure, I don't think there is much to regret upon... (there are still some things that I regret though! haha)

Well these 4 years of University life hadn't been as sweet as I would have imagine. But I'm thankful to say that I have grown a lot in this 4 years. Probably more than what I've endured in my 5 years of secondary school. I've learn to take pain and sufferings, be it physical, mentally. I've learn how to stand on my own feet, studied on my own compared to the times where tuition was everything.

University life and degree days, to me, is an option that most of us took. If you asked me whether if all I studied for these years will be beneficial to me in my later days, I would have said "No". I know I sound very negative towards my hard-earned degree, but that's the truth of how I feel.

I always have a soft spot to help people. To be able to save them would make things better. Guess that is why being a doctor was a dream for me ever since a small child. But that dream stays as fiction as always. It was something that I fore go, not regretting it however judging of the current phenomena trainees doctors are facing. Doctoring dreams fictionated, which at most can only happen in my dreams.

Then I began to notice the trend of what I like doing. Making people happy around me does kinda suits me too. Well of course not to the extent of being a clown everyday. But good enough to bring smiles and laughter to those around me.

Then I stumbled upon music. Playing music and singing. Not that I'm very good at it, but by playing a piece of song or singing it, I feel alive, I feel doing something that I really like. And if by doing it it brings joy to others, it really makes me believe that I have already found what I like and want to do. That is why I am always in awe of artistes, singers, actors who are doing what they like, and bringing happiness to those around them.

But the thing is, not everyone can be a superstar. Well at least I think I may not have the cut to achieve it. One thing for sure is, this dream is too big. As long as I ever want something like this to come true, but cruel reality always bites me hard.

Why is everything that I wanna be or think I can be, is a mere fiction, created by the pleasures I like doing, and hardly have a trace of reality that I can realize them?

Argh this feeling sucks to the core man. I don't want to end up working my life for a better pensioned or retired life. I want a life, that's enjoyable and I'm happy by living it, and by the same time, spreading happiness and helping those around me.

Maybe what I need, is a steady girlfriend who could make me settle down and wipe away these fictionated thoughts. For if I don't get one, most probably I would like to try living a new life abroad (if possible).

Maybe then again, it's just me terrified of the future that creeps closer and closer.

Which is which? I don't know...

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

신데렐라 맨 (Cinderella Man)

Not to be confused with the English movie, rather it is the Korean drama 신데렐라 맨 I'm talking about.

Yeah yeah I know it's another post about something out of date (this is a 2009 drama). But since I'm infatuated with Im Yoon Ah, so I decided to watch this after I finish 꽃 보다 남자-Boys Over Flowers (God that one was even older).

I won't spare you with the story outline, first of all because I'm only half way through the 16 episodes, and two it's better to watch yourself, and three, it is not the purpose why this post is about the drama.

But I would outline the story roughly. This story is roughly something like the Prince and the Pauper. Oh Dae San (starred by Kwon Sang Woo) works as a fashion copycat. His job is to get copies of merchandise and reproduce them and sell them (just think of pirated goods). He has a dream since small, that is to earn 1 billion won and own Dongdae moon, one of Korea's biggest shopping heavens. Never knew that when he met Seo Yoojin (starred by Im Yoon Ah), his dream has taken a change in course...

After watching up till episode 8, which is already half way through, I just can't help but notice, that Oh Dae San and me have a lot in common. We both have big dreams (I don't know whether my dream now is considered legit or not. Probably it's just another childhood fantasy which shouldn't happen to a 22 year old guy). We're both cheerful and funny, sometimes a bit happy go lucky. We both yearn and hunger for success. So little bit or not I do see myself as Oh Dae San.

Oh yea during the ending part of episode 8, Seo Yoojin almost kissed with her manager, with Oh Dae San standing rooted helplessly as he is in love with Yoojin. It kinda brings me back to the days where I stupidly and unconditionally did so much for a girl, and yet she went for another guy...

But one thing Oh Dae San did was he stopped them from kissing by yelling at them.

If I were at the same situation, I'd probably stood still, watched them kissed, and then walk away...

Coming back to the present, yes I have been burden free for almost 3 months now, with no one on my mind. I can't deny not having a girl to spin my life out of control does seem comfortable and acceptable, even for the rest of my life...

But damn, when this scene come up, it really does bring me back to the emo days...

Another thing different is, Oh Dae San got a happy ending in that drama.

God my ending in my life is still as unclear. Dae San turned into Cinderella Man, went from pauper to prince. I may end up as a pauper forever. I may even die as a pauper life.

Will I be like Cinderella Man? If yes, when will it happen? :/

Yeah. I CAN be that crazy and gila by wearing a hair band. HAHA!

Thursday, March 1, 2012



两个礼拜前还在担心FYP会死到哪里去。当别人已在假期中埋头苦干地做着FYP, 老子可还在家里摸来摸去。

但很难以想象的是,如今的我,可说是把FYP 实验做到七七八八了。天天早睡早起,早上八点做到下午五点。无时无刻都在冲。



问题是出在,我最终也只花了一个月的时间做完我的experiment. 假期也放比任何人长。很多人也吓到我为何可以那么快赶上来。因为怎么说都好,我少做两个礼拜的lab, 却可以那么快catch up.

在coursemates中出了名steady. Steady 这个字,未必100% 是称赞。聪明的人临考前不读死书,依然可以考好成绩,叫steady。人家在打拼的时候在家里摇脚,也是steady。但这个steady到来,人家不会欣赏,反而还会以为你不会安排时间,不会分辨,什么是important, 什么不是。

所以如果真的有人不爽我,我能理解。但我也不能做什么。我也是一个在尽着力奋斗的一个学生。我也是在赶着FYP。对,论OT, 论quantity and duration spent on lab, 我一定是排最后,做最少。我只能说,上天还真是把我目前一切安排得非常周到。要不是我拿了这位supervisor, 还多拿那么多额外的subjects, 我一定死到很惨。

我做lab 的duration不多。而且一些没做过的tests还真的是什么都不会。连procedure也是用别人的。而且还真的是有很多朋友在guide我,教我。甚至在我上课无法完成tests时,帮我。甚至是我千呼万呼说我会自己做,还是帮我做了那些tests.




*或许真的没有人不爽我啦。可能是自己想太多。想太多,也是因为有把自己放在别人的情况下来看待这一切。若是真的有人不爽,希望看了这篇文章后,您能明白我心里是在想什么。也在此感谢帮助和教导我的coursemates. 小弟没了你们,今天也不会在这个情况下,把这个post打出来。