Sunday, April 20, 2014

Pandora Box

I store feelings inside boxes. Most of the time negative one's. Feelings that can wreck moods and turn tides.

That is why I call them Pandora boxes. Once open, it will consume me. Maybe turning me into a person that even I'm not familiar...

But most of the time though, these boxes get buried and forgotten along time. Which is good because life can be much happier without having to be calculative and bearing grudge.

Sometimes though, I pull out and open boxes that can't be forgotten. Boxes that are filled with feelings and memories of someone I care. Love. Miss.

One of these boxes, is grandpa. One month has passed since the day he drew his last breath. This past month had me with mixed feelings. From a hardcore atheist, I began to start believing in Heaven and Hell. Cause I want to believe that he has gone to somewhere nice.

There are nights where I have nightmares of loved ones leaving me, only to have me waking up from what was a terrible nightmare.

It has also got me thinking. I don't mind being single at the moment. But what about in a few years time? I used to be alright with being single for life. But the personality of mine would make me crazy. I want to have children. I want to have grandchildren. I want to have my family beside me when I draw my last breath...

Grandpa's departure changed me. It changed the perspective of life. As what my dad said, he was a simple man, but he was sent off in style.

What is life, when you don't have a family, someone you love, to share with?

p.s. and to you-know-who-you-are, you are also one of my Pandora Boxes. We may not chat often. But that doesn't mean that I don't care about you anymore..

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