Can You Hear Me?

Sometimes, I just feel so lost. Sometimes I feel stress, anxiety on how to start writing the new chapter of my life.

Its like having to write a new story, where all this while I have been used to continue writing pieces of my life as it goes on.

I have just reached a point where, I fear of not knowing how to start a new chapter.

Well of course the main idea is there. But what to write?

It is mentally torturing when your friends have all started writing, while you are still left scratching your head in the exam hall, while time is ticking away...

It is disheartening to have submitted your resumes and not get notified as time goes by. You begin to doubt your own abilities. You start to feel lousy...

I am, lousy....  Can you hear me?

Graduating

To me, it's no big deal. However, it's quite a big event. Because most of us get to do it only once in a lifetime. It signifies the end of the occupation as a student. It is a symbol that we have completed our higher institutional studies.

As I said so on my facebook, all the years spent on being a student, studying here and there for almost 20 years, and getting to be on the stage for less than one minute of fame... It feels so surreal. Feels so unrealistic. All these years I've never thought I would one day stop going to school or class. It just dawn to me that I am a student no more. It's a hard and cold truth to accept after getting used to attending class, reading notes, burning midnight oil for exams. It's a self inflicting stress and anxiety that I think would be a memory, wrapped up in  a parcel and left only to reminiscent.

Deep down there is a part of me that still have the desire to go on. To stay young forever. To be able to continue attending classes and lectures. Final semester of my final year was somehow my favourite semester. It was the only sem where I could take extra subjects, subjects which I really love. I miss attending Korean classes, guitar classes and English speaking classes. And I scored well too in the exams :)

To be not able to take and complete my level 3 Korean, is like having an incomplete Uni life. Haha. Sounds funny, but yeah. Maybe if I've completed level 3, graduating would feel more, real?

Funny how 4 years just slipped by in a blink of an eye. 4 years is almost as long as the 5 years one spent in secondary school. But in terms of fondness, I think leaving USM kinda makes me more sad or emotional compared to leaving secondary school.

Seriously, is there something in USM that is making me miss USM, or it's just me being a nostalgic fag? Argh I don't know... :/

*ps. Congratulations to myself for being a USM graduate. It's an achievement. It's not what everyone has a chance of emulating. However, it is not my greatest achievement. It is just a small hill that I've just successfully conquered.

Shinji Kagawa's GIRLFRIEND??

I just knew this like few days ago. Kinda shocked me though. Cause I never did quite go to the extend of knowing a footballer's personal life. It is the performance on pitch that counts.


Now Kagawa's girlfriend, is an ADULT VIDEO actress in Japan. Well in other words, and a harsher word to use, would be a porn actress. Maybe it's considered okay in Japan. But for me, I find it quite hard to accept.

What more she's not only some porn star. She is THE porn star. Like one of the most hottest porn star in Japan. She is Ameri Ichinose.

Now I don't deny that she's pretty. Hot maybe also. And yes she's sexy. And yes again, most guys would not close their eyes if this girl would to strip in front of you (come on don't act gentleman!).

But as a girlfriend? I don't know about you guys. Maybe I can't say no if a chick like that come banging on my door. But as a girlfriend it's a definitely NO for me. It's like having a girlfriend who smokes and use vulgarities ( traits that I simply set as basic requirements of choosing a girlfriend).

Not that I look down on those who are in the porn industry. At least it's not earning a living the wrong way like stealing or robbing.

Being in the AV industry is more towards making love on air rather than being an actress in a movie with nudity. At least a movie has a freaking story line, with sex not really the main theme or focus of the movie. 

Maybe from my point of view, women should be treated with more respect and care. And as a woman, it's not really proper to show your personal side to everyone.

Then again, I don't mind free show. Bottom line, I think someone like Shinji Kagawa deserves someone with a better social stature.

*ps I still can't accept it. No. Jeez this is killing me. Wonder what Terry and Balotelli have up their sleeves?

*PS There are reports that this rumours are FAKE. Well Thank God I say! :D

Life is a War

"Life is like a box of chocolates."

Well  screw you Forest! Not that I hate you, but for different people and seen through different perspectives, life is not always a box of chocolates.

Life is a war zone. Your graduation from your alma mater is no less than graduating from a military academy. You get your first job aka become enlisted in the army. You start from the lowest rank in the company. You are cannon fodder.

You spend your whole life, battling cannons and bombs. Only different thing about working is, you don't die literally, or end up without your limbs if you've stepped on a landmine. Sometimes you get screwed by your captain. Your captain gets screwed by his major, and then the General screws everyone under his control.

We spend all our life, working up the military hierarchy if the modern working world. We ourselves dream to someday become a major, admiral or whatsoever. It seems like this is life's only way of progress.

What if, life is not a war? What if, there's no need to get enlisted into society's modern warfare?

Maybe life is a war. War starts with one person or incident, and gets carried out by the entire nation. Your neighbour buys a new car. You work your ass off to buy a bigger one to show him you're better.

There's no escape. You either join the ranks and work your ass up the ranks, or you become an emo farmer watching the tanks steamrolling across your crop fields when war breaks loose.

Me? I don't wanna be any of them, if I could have it my way. If life is a war, you make the most of it. You become, THE ARMS DEALER...

*ps I love Forest Gump!! 

That's Life

As far as I know, I am so willing to let go of what I've learned. Bye bye food tech. It was the University life that matters. Not the degree.

I don't want to spend my life, or even an ounce of it, reviewing SOPs, managing workers in a factory, or doing hourly check in a production line, or plotting and constructing a HACCP.

...

Just like giving me a lousy CGPA during my matriculation, life has once again pit me into a situation, where it torments me mentally and spiritually.

There is still a chance that I may end up in the food production industry. Maybe I will like it. But it was never a choice I wanted to make should is really happen.

I really hate to say this, but since year 2 in my degree life, I'd already made up my mind that I would avoid this field once I graduate. Doesn't matter that if I'm smart enough or have the abilities to succeed in this field or not. Bottom line is, I don't like it, and nor will I feel happy if my future working life were to be something similar to my intern life.

No harm to my ex intern company. It's just the life of a food technologist that bothers me. What ever I do, I make sure my happiness and health is the utmost priority. So forget about getting my arse into a production line at midnight. My biological clock and health is more than money.

Ah if happiness would made me live and feel up an empty stomach. If only money wasn't everything.

From the way I see things now, most probably I'll end up doing something I don't like...

Well that's the sad case of life.

Deishi Basara

Watched the Dark Knight Rises couple days ago. Not as mind blowing as I'd expected it to be. But still awesome.

Rather than do another movie review, I'd like to give my 2 cents worth of thoughts regarding a particular scene in the movie.



*play this before you continue reading :p


The scene that evoked me the most was the scene, where Bruce Wayne tried to climbed out of the prison pit. Knowing that Bane was about to bring utter destruction to Gotham, Bruce picked himself up from a broken state (literally and figuratively), trained hard before trying to scale up the walls of the prison.

He attempted scaling the walls a number of times. He failed and failed. Until at last, he decided to climb without a safety rope that would meant death- should he fail to successfully jump and caught hold one of the edges.

Coming back on the current society, specifically my society, I see no difference between us, between me and Bruce Wayne trying to jump with a rope. Sometimes all it needs, is a dose of fear, so that you'll know that important step you take is actually a step of life and death.

We all have been taught and brought up, thinking that to succeed in life, only academic supremacy will help us achieve that. The truth is, it's not. It is the safest mean to success, but it doesn't guarantee success. Figuratively, it means tying yourself with a rope when you're about to jump that vital step, to reach for ultimate glory. You won't die should you fail, but you would never be that legend who took that leap of faith and got out of there.

That is why, we have so many people fighting for the same job. So many high scorers in government exams. But no hero. Only a handful of respected sportsman. No winning bet on an Olympic gold medalist winner. No GUARANTEE that there will be another one of a kind shuttler to take up Lee Chong Wei's mantle to continue stamping our mark as badminton elites. The crisis that our national badminton squad faces will follow the footsteps of our national football team's footsteps- to utter disappointment (but on the other side, they are improving. Just that they are just a pale comparison to the Super Mokh era.)

We are taught to study, study and study our whole lives. We've seen the flame of our dreams as sportsmen, artistes, entertainers all doused with the so called logic and advices by our parents, teachers and society. That is why there would never be a Malaysian footballer playing in major football leagues in the Europe. Nor will there be any Malaysians that would stamp their mark in Hollywood or with God's miracle, get nominated for an Oscar or Grammy.

We are all prisoners, jumping and trying to get out of that fictional prison of ours. Those who succeeded are those who climbed without ropes. It takes great courage to be different to others. Unfortunately in my society, while scaling up a prison pit with no ropes, there is no one to chant "Deishi Basara!".

No one.

凭什么，有什么，能给什么?

也许，如果细想成熟一点，稳重一点，如今的我，应该已找到工作。

也许，如果早已有了女朋友的话，要在哪个地方做工，都早已有个概念。

也许，如果家境急着要钱用，什么烂工都会拿命豁出去。

也许，当初没有申请"Food Tech"这个Degree, 就不会看着Jobstreet说，后悔读这颗。


找工作，就如找女友那样 - 一班男生急着要讨好一位女生的心。

你凭什么，有什么，能给什么，来让那位女生选你，而不是其他男生？