Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The more you love, the more you lie?

I had this one small dream or promise that I had secretly made. If I were to really find a girl I really love, and she's the one, I would never ever lie to her. Why? Because the basic building block of a relationship is TRUST. How can one expect their partners to trust them, if they aren't telling the truth?

Or so it seems. But in the reality, does it works that way? Do we actually lie more when we love someone? I don't know about boy girl relationship, neither about husband and wife. The only love I've got so far is family love.

Personally I don't really like telling lies at all. Actually I hate it a lot. But the truth is I can be a very good liar. I have lied and made a lot of "drama" (for good causes la! HAHA!). I still remember this one time during matriculation, where students are not allowed to leave the campus on weekdays. But on one specific school day it was a friend's birthday. And what is a birthday without a birthday cake right? So I went to the office and told the clerk I wanted to go out and get a medical check-up. But due to a sudden change of regulations, we have to get permission from our "felo"(teacher-in-charge, more like the discipline master type). Oh oh! Me and my bunch of friends were shocked about the new ruling, since we never did need permission before for seeing doctor. And naturally, I began to act sick, cough like mad (but not fake). The clerk was shocked, and she straight away called the "felo" and asked permission for me. And that was the starting of how amazed I am with my "lying" and "acting".

But be rest assure I'm no drama king (I hope so in your eyes!). Back to lying. Again I'm here to mention, that I come from a rather stricter family. I have more rules compared to most families. My parents scared the shit out of me when they're mad, and although I'm taller and bigger than my parents, I'm still afraid of them, till this day. So there might be times that my friends maybe too outgoing, I sometimes have to limit myself to cancel off some yumcha sessions because I know I'm gonna get nag for going out quite often. I used to quarrel with my parents on how strict they are with me, while other parents gave their children so much freedom compared to me. I even cried about it when scolded. But nowadays, rather than ask their permission over and over again and maybe get nag for going out like everyday, I limit myself automatically by not going out that often, most of the time by giving stupid reasons to my friends. Well, they're my parents. They might not make me happy, but they sure won't make me someone bad. If it makes them happy for me to spend more time at home, well at least that's the most I can do, given that I seldom speak to them at home (I don't know why though).

Although it  may not look like it, I value my family more than my friends. Not to say I would kill my friends off for the sake of my family, but I would sacrifice the good times that I may have with my friends for my family, even when their demands can be very unreasonable. I had a planned meet-up session with my friends in Ipoh quite some time ago. But the planned session was kinda early, and I was vacationing with my family. Although I voiced out my desire to meet up with them as early as possible, but things went complicated and I was late. I sacrificed meeting them early knowing that to have things my way would have sound selfish. And I lie to my parents sometime to not let them worry or hassle them.

I don't really show my love and affection to my family directly or openly. Even when I'm away, like studying in Penang, I don't really think of them very often. But worse come to worse, if (IF) some tragedy besieged one of my family members, you wouldn't know how worried and crazy I will be.

Until now, I have lied to the one's I love. Is it possible to not lie and be truthful to that special girl that may come in my life? In the end, is lying a way to convey love too?

Your thoughts?

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