Sunday, January 9, 2011
Something About Love
Last week. Exactly last week. I did something. Something that requires much bravery. And stupidity. Confessing a feeling. Even though I knew, chances of failure, was imminent.
I gave her a shock. She probably did not see that coming. Neither did I, if I were to flashback time. I'd never thought, it would be her. Constantly appearing on my mind.
I'd never knew that, this poison, this virus, was so contagious, when my Kaspersky Bachelor Sercurity was expired and I did not install a new one. My system IS infected.
However, sad to say that she wasn't in. She apologised. Told me to forget her. Rubbed her off my mind.
As if I could. As if this kind of things can be nullified. As if my brain is a computer. I did not argue. But I had many to say.
You called me to rub you off. You said there was no chemistry. I can't deny, nor can I agree. If I were proud enough to ask back, I could have ask you to rub the "him" off your mind too. If there was chemistry between you both, something will have happened. Where is that something? Is it God's fate that you're waiting for?
I do not know whether that something between you and "him" on your mind will happen or not. But you knew that we had 0%. Total failure. Nothing. No end product. Nada. Seems like you know me a lot, while the truth is, I may know you more than you know me, yet still will not say that I've known the real you.
I'm not angry. Nor am I challenging you. And I do not want to change your point of view. It's your choice to choose the best. So far I'm the worst when it comes to this kind of things (0% success rate my entire life). But the way you say it, is like sending me to a hangman's noose without a question. Like I'm a destined loser.
I'm not also calling you to give hope either. But at least, a chance to prove. That's all.
I have you deep inside my mind now, but that doesn't mean that you're gonna be the one of my life. Anything could happen. Hell I may even get a foreigner as my future wife. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. But we can't be sure that what will or will not happen. That's my point."
But then again, I do not object your point of view or ways to handle this matter. Nor do I want you to change. This post is just to express my views. Nothing more...
If everything in this world is fated by God, even if I'd really believe in Him, I'd be mad at him. He'd fated me to be broken up to pieces everytime when such matters arise. I'd rather have one time to learn through the process of a relationship rather than learning everytime I flop.
I know chances are as thin as a thread. Getting you is like finding a needle through a haystack. But I asked myself the same question again, everytime I fail. And I stick to the principals:
"You do not have to be together with someone when you like him or her. What truly matters is his or her happiness."
I'd wish for your ultimate happiness, like every princess in fairytales, for your bliss to be immortalized, for him to be your knight in shining armour. Even though I may end up in broken pieces again, I DO NOT CARE.
It is your happiness, and my heartbreak, to make my feelings, TRUE!
If God gave me a wish right now, I'd wish for that guy to be living happily ever after with you. I wouldn't wish that I was that guy. Funny huh. Guess I myself destined myself to be a loser.