二十一岁的最后一天。My last day as a 21 year old

坦白说，我很害怕长大，害怕变老。我并不像一些人，来到了二十岁，背上的翅膀硬了，一些甚至开始飞了。我还站在悬崖边，缺乏勇气往前涌。

但无论如何，人终会老。时间不停的溜走。地球不停地公转自转。没办法。

如今的我，位于Subang Jaya SS 13 的Macfood Services(M) Sdn Bhd 实习着。也算是踏入社会的第一步。

每次吃午餐的时候，都会看到上班族穿着整齐的西装，到饭店用餐。我羡慕的，不是他们的豪华车，也不是他们整齐的衣裤。

我羡慕的是，他们如何能够，重复一天又一天的工作生活。一直到五十六十岁左右，才来退休，享受生活。

或许身为白羊座的我，会再次显示出我不耐性的一面。但在想象以后的我，若我真的有了一个家庭，就算工作多烦恼，多压力，能够在放工后回到家，看到自己心爱的家庭，有着一餐温馨的晚餐等着我。这，已足够的给与我勇气，来面对每一天的挑战。

能够和另一半过着柴米油盐酱醋茶的生活，已经是上天赐予足够幸福了。我不想要多。

因为，遥远人生的道路，会越走越孤单。无论如何，总该有个伴。

也不知道，为什么会这样想。或许，我真的喜欢上妳了吧。无可救药了吧？

或许，这个是自己要面对现实的未来而想像的情景。可能是不要再让自己沉迷在小孩子的美梦里。

或许，是时候，飞了吧？

或许，让我能够有勇气地飞的原因，就是，妳？





With you right here, I'm a rocketeer~!!!

Earth Hour 2011

It's another Earth Hour day. Unlike the last one last year, which I blog about it here, I actually went through it. But I still stand still to the point.

This year however, I'm gonna go a bit more detailed. Like narrowing the crossfire to something more detailed.

Saving one hour of electricity, is nothing, especially when you are using air conditioner and water heater all the time.

Now when questioned on the world's greatest invention of all time, especially those rich aunties or uncles, no doubt they will answer: AIR CONDITIONER. In fact, the reason they give is it cools the house or room.

Yes it does cool. But how? Did you ever wonder? If you're a kid, you'd probably think that it creates and releases cool air to the room, and you'll be like standing under it to feel the cool breeze (that was what I did when I was small).

Law of Conservation of Energy- Energy can neither be generated nor destroyed. It can only change from one phase or type to another. It can also be transferred if there is a delta or difference between two medium that comes in contact.

In lay man terms, your god damn air cond does not "make" your room cold. It simply transfers the heat in your room to another place, a.k.a. the environment, until there is so little heat left in your room that you feel cold! If an air cond can really "make" a place cold, I suggest that the government or WWF to build a humongous air conditioner, to make global warming an issue of the past, a history to be forgotten.

That's why for me, switching on an air conditioner is the worst sin I could ever have committed. I am proud to say that, I have NEVER SWITCHED ON the air conditioner MYSELF for a long long time(more than 1 year). I rather switched on my fan at a higher speed. At least I know, I am suffering together with Mother Earth. I won't let her take the heat ALL BY HERSELF!

You see, the fact is that, most people still aren't educated, in the sense of really caring for the world. In this world, you can never deny that money ALWAYS come first. It is always getting the newest Iphones, Ipads, and other gizmo techs and stuffs. Note that there is only "I". Screw the world. Screw Mother Nature.

Human have been too dependent to science and technology, that we somehow have forgotten that our ancestors, once lived in jungles, hunted like animals to survive.

Now, once you're born to this world, anywhere apart the rural and poor areas, you're destined to survive. You don't need to run away from lions or dinosaurs like cavemen of the stone age. You don't need to hunt for meat or pluck fruits from the trees. You have markets, supermarkets and McDonald's for Christ sake! You don't even need to cook your own food! You don't need to walk or migrate when the soil is not fertile for crop growing anymore. And heck again, you don't even grow crops or plant a turf of grass!

And when you think the world's giving you too much, you commit suicide. Heck! Have you ever seen a wild animal commit suicide? I don't think so. How can we humans, become so weak?

And once again, you think that switching your lights off for one hour is so damn noble, think again. It makes things worse when you play with candles. OMG... Can you for once, sit down and enjoy the night, with only the moon and stars as your light?

*sorry for being offending in this post. I know some of you did played with candles or other things. What is done is done. You can act noble again for one more hour by doing nothing, or you can actually try to change thoroughly, starting by banning... Air Conditioners!!!!

LMAO~!!

I Dreamed a Dream

If this question were to pop out:"What is your dream?" or:"Where do you see yourself in the next 3 or 4 years?" I'll have to honestly say I don't have an effing clue. Yeah, it's true.

But if it is about my final year at USM, I roughly got everything figured out. My Plan A, Plan B, C and so on. (To tell the truth, the plans stop at C LOL!). It was very difficult, pondering over a future that I am so unsure and uncertain, like the black skies at night, full with velvet clouds, where you can't even catch a glimpse of the stars, nor see the face of the moon. It's like a muddy puddle of water.

Not that I do not have something I wish in my mind currently. Things are quite complicated if I were to go into it straight away. I need a prologue.

I am a stubborn person. Actually, strong willed would be a better word. Stubborn makes me defiant when I'm wrong, which is most of the time untrue. Strong willed. Yeah, that's the word.

When I want something, most of the time, I try my best to get it. But there are times too, where I set lofty targets which are so damn impossible and beyond my limits, that when I don't achieve them, I'll give myself an effing consolation or reason to pamper myself.

But yeah then again, most of the time, I'm strong willed. Quite. If you don't know me, then let it be known, that to become a doctor was something like a trademark for me. I felt like I was born to live a life of a doctor. I wasn't scared of blood and injections when I'm supposed to be at my age. My dad is a respectable doctor, an mentor. That dream was set when I was just a small boy. Even my primary school teachers know that. That a boy will someday make his dad proud, by joining ranks with him. A king in the making for a king.

Not that I went around boasting to everyone, nor was it the destiny my parents were trying to write into my future. Everyone just acknowledged that a doctor's son was surely to become a doctor. Not that I mind. But subconsciously, it seems like everyone at your hometown that you know, is waiting just to listen to the news, that the son of a doctor finally DID took up his father's footsteps.

Unfortunately, things don't always go as they are planned. I failed my dream. The dream that was there in my head since I was a small kid. The dream that when ever everybody asked me what was it, I would so proudly say it out, if not yell it out. The time comes when I know I can never yell out such an answer. I flunked my precious Matriculation Program, the Golden Ticket to realizing my dream.

My mind was in tatters. How can you accept that the dream you dream, is nothing but a dream? Confusion and blindness took me. I still questioned the choice of the degree I applied on till this very day. A Plan B I haven't even thought about. I got the chance to live back the life I SHOULD HAVE halfway during the 1st year 1st semester. I was on verge of quitting my current degree to pursue my dream in a private college. But somehow, I made a funny decision to stick to this course, and never looked back. Manly tears burst from my eyes. I was this close of quitting my current course.

Yes I still question the degree I'm still taking and haven't even graduated. But I have since put down that dream of mine, that dream of a small kid. I knew that dream was real enough to be reality (I dream of it every single day!), while most students studying medicine right now, applied mostly for the honours and prospect it offers, and of course of the fulfillment of the grades they've acquired.

Not to say that I'm a sour grape who looks down on at medicine students, but hey, this is the truth. If you have RM1 million to spend for one day, and at the end of the day, you're required to give back the balance you haven't spend, surely everyone would've spent every single cent of it. Why let such a good result go to waste, when you can be the hottest prospect?

Yes, current medicine students would mostly be better doctors than me, even had I have venture into medicine. But when it comes to the passion, the dream I had and the truth it holds, they would still lose out to me. At least I know when I want to save or help someone, my conscience is crystal clear. That was my dream. It isn't now. But it hasn't change my personality of willing to put myself into the deepest shit, to help those that I deem really require them.

Letting up a dream doesn't guarantee you to find a replacement. I'm too old to dream anymore. I prefer setting targets and achieving them. What for dream, when you don't give a damn of it becoming a reality?

Maybe I have mellow down, maybe I became more of a realist rather than an optimist. Failure does impart your confidence. But they also give you valuable lessons that none can teach.

My dream? I wish I had it now in my head. It's not a solid one. Rather it's like how I should live my life, what I should do...

If I really were to become someone's else girlfriend, my life would all be about her. She would be the number one priority. Forget about further studying. There is a future family that I have to feed. Even if it were to be working in Hell, I would gladly take up the job and work my ass off.

If I were to be cursed to solitary my entire life, then there is plenty time for me to think yet. Current situation seems to be heading this way rather than the one I mentioned, making this my Plan A. But if I were to choose, I'd wish Plan B up there were to happen.

You can plan all you like, you can try all you like, but things don't always turn up the way you like. So in conclusion, it's better to have contrasting dreams so that you won't end up like me in the first place. LMAO!

到头来，我并没有再为自己找了另一个梦想，只是对残酷的现实期望着和拼命地奋斗着，一个我想要的未来...

Burlesque

Now another film that is a must watch~! Although the concept is singing and dancing, and the rise of a "farm girl" to a well-known performer, the story is much more original and entertaining.

Christina Aguilera stars as Ali, who left a bar she worked in her hometown to pursue her dreams. She arrived at LA and finds work at a club named Burlesque. However, things did not really go smoothly for her as Tess, the owner, currently did not need any recruits and was also unaware of Ali's talent. Ali's hotel was then robbed and she had to stayed in at one of the bartender's house, named Jack.

So chance finally came knocking on the door when one of the dancers have to go on maternity leave. Ali became the substitute. And it was before long that lead singer Nikki kept pissing off Tess that she sent her home and allowing Ali to take Nikki's place. Nikki tried to sabotage Ali's 1st show by shutting off the sound system, since Burlesque focus mainly on dancing and lip syncing songs. But that of course, gave Ali, who sings like a nightingale, a chance to blossom into the club's hottest property.

Ali then caught the eye of entrepreneur Marcus. Marcus was trying to buy Burlesque from Tess so that he can finish his mega construction. Luckily Ali found that out, and saved Tess from selling Burlesque to Marcus because of plunging into debts by asking another entrepreneur to buy Burlesque's air rights to foil Marcus' plan.

And of course, Ali and Jack fell in love along the story, which added romance into the film. Original soundtracks with a fantastic theme, IT IS A MUST WATCH

Guys watch out for Christina. She's smokin hot!

Girls, watch out for Jack. He's the MAN!

Review: Absolutely undoubtedly 5 stars. The movie totally nailed it!

The Passion of the Christ movie review

Now this is one movie that had so many positive reviews (as in a good movie) but I quite haven't had the chance to actually watch it. But thank God I did have that chance. And it is certified to be a 5 star movie, most probably one of the best film you mustn't miss in your lifetime.

Now since I'm not very good in Christianity nor well verse in the bible, this review of synopsis is based purely on Wikipedia.

It seems that the whole story is based on the last 12 hours of Jesus' life beginning with the Agony in the Garden, where sometime after The Last Supper, Jesus took a walk in the garden and prayed to God while his followers were asleep. Never did he knew, that one of his followers, Judas, has secretly betrayed him to the temple guards and led to his arrest not long after.

As the guards move in to arrest Jesus, Peter cuts off the ear of Malchus, but Jesus heals the ear. The temple guards arrested Jesus, while his followers flee. Jesus was brought and questioned by Caiaphas, the Jewish high priest. After admitting himself as the son of God, Jesus was brought to Pontius Pilate, the prefect of the Roman province of Judea, to be demanded to be crucified by the people.

Pontius felt that it was harsh to crucify Jesus, instead he chose to chastise Jesus and to set him free. But after scourging Jesus, the crowds still wanted Jesus to be crucified. Pontius had no choice but to give in.

A lot happened along the way to the crucification, but at last when Jesus died while crucified, a drop of rain fell from the heavens, causing an earthquake and wrecking the Jewish temple and rips the cloth covering the Holy of Holies in two, to the horror of Caiaphas and the other priests. Satan is then shown screaming in defeat. The story ends with Jesus rising from the dead and exiting his tomb.

Although the film is not in English and is in reconstructed Aramic, Latin and Hebrew, with the help of subtitles, one can surely understands how the plot is going. You don't need to be a Christian to enjoy the film...

And my, the scene where Jesus was chastised... Ouch~!!!!!

Jesus being chastised

Crucified....

Be sure to watch it...

Lara 梁心頤 小樹

Seriously I think I am falling for Lara's song... She has such a SWEET voice... Amazing..

一起种的小树 全心全意照顾
为何他的绿叶 留不住
我们像那棵树 无绿尽就干枯
难道努力不一定幸福

还爱你 却无能为力
没养分 爱化为泪滴
心碎像落叶满地
痛都还来不及

还爱你 但无能为力
只能静静看你离去
原来爱死了可以没有原因

沉默凋零从前 杂草布满心田
腐化我们说好的永远
期待整个无奈 你却仍不明白
爱不是用眼泪来灌溉

还爱你 却无能为力
没养分 爱化为泪滴
心碎像落叶满地
痛都还来不及

还爱你 但无能为力
只能静静看你离去
原来爱死了可以没有原因

还爱你 却无能为力
没养分 爱化为泪滴
心碎像落叶满地
痛都还来不及

还爱你 但无能为力
只能静静看你离去
原来爱死了可以没有原因

The Reason- Hoobastanks

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

I tried forgetting you. And suddenly, all the hard work and self-discipline I have adhered too vanished into thin air. I became restless, tired, always wanting to escape from the real world. I indulge into hypersomnia. I slept like there was no tomorrow. Yet every time I wake up, I knew I had to face this bitter world that the fact you don't give me a single response. I thought that maybe if I let things be for a while, I could actually succeed. Last night I dreamed of you and the old wounds started to break. I'd know telling you this won't mean a thing.

But just remember, for the time being, you are always The Reason.

When Disaster Strikes

When disaster strikes, you'll get people all around the world saying they'll pray this and pray that etc.

Note that I am not a religious person. I've give up the fact that God created this world and my fore fathers. I would rather believe the Infinite Monkey Theorem rather than the Watchmaker Anology . However, do not get me wrong that I do not respect other religion. I am actually fascinated by each religion's studies and believes. So I hope you respect my believes too.

One thing I perceive about praying is, even if it is miraculous, no natural disasters would have occurred. Everyday around the world, people prayed, but to what extent must we pray so that we were to avoid "God's Fury"? God was never angry. It was we who reap what we sow. Or probably the destruction of the world is just a ticking time bomb, predicted way back since the Mayans.

Even if praying grants you God's blessing, to pray for something good to happen when a catastrophic event has occurred, only makes thing more impossible. Praying does not turn back the time to avoid an apocalypse, nor does it reduce a full power effect of it. What has happened has happened. Even God can't turn back the time to save us.

If we were to pray, we should have start by doing it EVERYDAY! But do we actually PRAY everyday??? This question's crossfire is of course out of range for the Muslims and Christians, whom I know pray daily and in fact very often. The urge of reaching out to God, when all else fail, is simply humorous. God is not someone you can lean onto when you need Him and someone that does not even appear on your thoughts when you do not need Him.

At least, that is my perception on God.

Praying was never about lamentations to God to reduce a burden or pain endured in life. Nor is it about seek gratification for the lust and desire that one has on his or her mind. It is a personal belief to seek will and strength to cope with the obstacles that we face in life.

How is it possible, that animals in the wild with no religious expertise or believes, are granted with the unique ability to sense danger or natural disasters, sometimes making such a huge migration to evade them, while us humans, the race and organisms blessed by God with intelligence at the top most pinnacle, must rely on Science and Technology to even sense a tsunami in the making?

Food for thought...

*note: I haven't said a single word on praying since mega quake hits Japan. Nor am I going to pray for that, I presume. I too have relatives there. All I can do is actually HOPE, that everyone is safe, for those who are trying to escape Death, actually does escape, and for Japan, to quickly rebuild and resume it's daily events normally.

My Point of View

Now, how to begin? Apart from the "different people have different point of views" cliche.

Let's just begin. No doubt. Adults always think they are right. Most of the time, yes, but not always. Even when you pit an adult against another adult, there would surely be a difference. One may be right and one, might not be that right. But if you were to pit that adult with a less "wise" compared to a younger person, let's say a son versus a father, you would still end up with a situation where the son follows the father's plan or advice, even though from a 3rd person's point of view, we know that the son's perspectives, is some how more acceptable.

Somehow it is quite random for me to come up with such a post. However, there is a reason behind each and every post I write. Even for the random-est post have their reasons.

Night time or the time before I sleep is when my brains starts thinking, brainstorming. And yeah, this happened yesterday before I was about to drift off. It's a bit sensitive, since it is something quite personal.

I'm in KL, staying with my aunts. One aunt provides the accommodation, one provides the meals. And paying them the rent and money for meals monthly can be a hassle.

Well, a little bit. I don't mind going to the mall to withdraw money and pay them personally. But hmm.. not for my dad. He practically freaks out when I haven't paid one of my aunt's rent.

Yes, as a tenant, it is your duty to pay rents on time. But considering that my account is dried up, and the money that my parents just transferred in just got through, I shouldn't be the one to be blamed, correct? At least with a 10 day limit to pay up the rent, won't make me a lousy tenant right?

And when it comes to accounts and money, not that I do not trust people. It's just that I see business the traditional way. You pay, he or she receives, and you get what you want.

Yeah, asking my aunt to straight away withdraw money from MY account seems to save me from hassles and troubles. But I rather go through the hassle and pay her the right way. Paying face to face somehow leaves a permanent mark that you actually clear a debt or whatever, and it does shows respect to both parties.

Yeah it's impossible for big and humongous business transactions to be paid face to face, but hey, even in sports competition, winners get to receive mock cheques from organizers.

So now you get what I mean?

But still, yet again, since I am my dad's son, and I somehow dislike arguing, I guess I'd rather keep my mouth shut, and do things HIS way.

After all, I just need to pay another 3 times of rent and I'm OUTTA HERE KL!!!

*note: Not that my dad is not smart. He is in fact one of the smartest guy I've known. And I bet he is surely smarter than YOURS! XD But then again, he is human, and he is not smart in every single thing on this planet. ;) Just that probably in this situation, he has his points and I have mine, which I deem more acceptable. Now don't cha think so? XD

A Blog Activist's Tale With Raja Petra Kamarudin

For the 1st time, you'll see a political post or video on my blog... Enjoy, and maybe realize the real situation... =)

唱歌

其实hor，如果你们真的不知道，我hor，很爱唱歌。

而且奇怪的是，我不是从小就喜欢唱歌的。我开始喜欢唱歌的时候，应该是form 5吧！那时候，很heng周杰伦啊，王力宏啊。So 有听歌，就automatic会唱了lor。可是那时候唱。都是在厕所唱。唱给自己听。

我也不知道自己唱得好不好听。自己是觉得okay lar。没有走音走到很厉害，或者是唱的时候给人家骂：“shut up!" 还是说：“玻璃要裂了” So 就当作是可以听啦... WAHAHA!

第一次真正有人叫我唱歌给他听的，其实是男生。不要误会。我们不是gay。他是我在NS，算是好朋友吧。不过现在没有联络了。一开始我还说他siao 的。叫我唱歌给他听。他就说NS很闲的时候，没有歌听，就叫我唱咯。那时候周杰伦的rap歌我又背完整首。给人家当神拜。所以就这样一次两次，他又介绍我给他的朋友。就这样，开始慢慢唱歌给人家听。

过后，第一次唱K的时候是还没进大学预科班(matriks) 的时候。那时候还呆在Hua Lian 打算读Form 6。就有一次给朋友jio去唱K。第一次真的很怕，因为没有唱过mar... 还记得第一首歌是《蜗牛》。害怕到还没唱K之间，都在家练习... 哈哈... 想回去都觉得好笑!

唱了第一次，就会有第二次。也会有第三第四次。Ok lor。就这样，我就喜欢唱歌了。

现在就讲，我为什么会爱唱歌。刚才是讲喜欢罢了。

就在Matriks的时候，喜欢上一位女生lor。喜欢了就追咯是不是？但是hor，那时候她有男朋友。就很sad和down咯。我不喜欢做第三者的。但是又对她很好，好像让自己越掉越深。那时候刚好是Martiks的Pesta Tanglung。爽爽跑去audition却被选中表演。让她知道我会唱歌，她就叫我唱歌给她听... 就唱了《安静》给她听。Live。

《安静》
只剩下钢琴陪我弹了一天
睡着的大提琴 安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我 也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你 是因为我太爱你

那天晚上，真的很down。而且也说明了为什么选要唱这首歌。又感动到她。但她也很感谢，因为我做了对的选择。但在把故事fast forward一下，她跟她男朋友分手后，我们的感情真的有所进步。还没来得及把对她的感情灭掉，它已hot了起来。

跟她暧昧到很深。时常唱歌给她听。唱歌，似乎已变成我述说我感情的方式。当我唱歌给她听的时候，我不会怕走音，不会怕难听。每一句，每一粒音符我都把感情放下去。让她听得甜蜜蜜，让她觉得，原来一位喜欢她的男生唱歌给她听，是那么爽的。不是每一个男生都会唱歌给女朋友听的leh! 唱歌给一个你喜欢的人，就是那么的有成就感。就算是对着电话唱，也知道她在电话的另一边是眯着眼笑着。

那是Martiks的故事。虽然，我们并没有真正开始过一段恋情，但是，喜欢一个人，就有那种要唱歌给她听的习惯，已autosave了。所以，要知道我自己到底喜不喜欢一位女生，很容易。就看我愿不愿意，为她献歌献丑。就那么的简单。

自从Matriks的那位女生到现在，我还以为，那个要以心中的那首歌来述说对一位女生的感情以离我而去。已经很久没有那个感觉了。

直到我遇见妳，那个感觉又回来了...

你愿不愿意，听我唱歌吗？

=)

*注：我没说我唱歌好听。只是说不会难听。不要以为我很beh pai seh 啊！！！ XD

Listen

This is an old song. Yes. I was damn ulu back that time. I admit that I have only heard of it THIS YEAR (OMG! I'm from Mars). But guess what, it instantly became one of the songs that I will never skip while it plays...

So here it is... Happy LISTENing...

Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete

Listen oooh
To the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind
You should have known -

Oh

Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died so long ago
Oh, I'm free now and my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind
You should have know

Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete -

Oh, Oh

Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find my own
My own

Oh yeah, I L-O-V-E Charice's cover!!!! And seriously mesmerized by her voice and talent!!!!